April 2022 Archives

16 Lessons On Money

I’m thinking a lot about money these days. In some ways I feel totally unprepared for what’s happening. In other ways, I feel totally at peace and realize… that there is a lot of work I’ve done to get to this point, and if I can help anyone with a shortcut, I will. So here are 16 quick Saturday morning lessons on money. I hope they speak to you.

xx

1. No matter how hard or gnarly something seems today, it will be harder tomorrow – I promise. Procrastinating on money stuff, whether it’s debt reduction, investments, wrangling a money goal… so many of us don’t like to do it because it feels too hard or messy in the moment. And without fail, every time, I realize days, weeks, months down the road — it never gets EASIER. Today is the best day.  So now when I know I need to do something, I stop what I’m doing and do it today, knowing that tomorrow it’s not going to magically be easier.

2. Many money things (like purchasing life insurance for example), feel a bit like overkill. I remember when I elected to file as an S Corp into 2016. Felt like overkill because I wasn’t making much yet. It feels weird to do something BEFORE you need it. It feels like overkill. It scares you because you’re like, “But what if this is the best it’s going to be?” and then you over prepared. When it comes to money, no matter how it plays out, even if it feels like overkill, do it.

3. Know your numbers. Even if they are hella ugly and depressing and you think not knowing them is somehow going to make things better, it’s not. Face the numbers. I speak from experience on this one.

4. As you start to make more, the management of money will take up more and more of your time. That’s why there are entire fields of expertise around wealth management. If you want to turn your full time job into managing cash and investments, go for it. Otherwise, find an expert who doesn’t have a bias towards one type of investment and then take their advice!

5. You might think that debt is the scariest problem in the world of money… but it’s actually less scary than you think. When you realize how much companies and hell even the government use debt, you start to realize that we carry so much shame around something that much of wealthiest people in the world leverage to keep cash flow moving. There is debt you want to avoid sure, but it’s not the scary monster Dave Ramsey wants to make us all believe.

6. Your greatest financial investment is in your longterm emotional, spiritual, physical, and intellectual health. I used to think that earmarking money for therapy or coaching or development was a luxury or an “exception” to the rule. Now I see that the #1 way I like to spend money is on the development of myself and my kids. Whatever they need and whatever it looks like, it comes back in spades.

7. It always feels too hard until it isn’t. There are some money decisions in my life that feel absolutely crippling. And the anticipation of it is worse than the walking it out. So when you start to want to worry about money in the future, remind yourself that it is far more painful – the act of worry – than the walking out of whatever it is you have to do.

8. Hang around people who see money as a tool, not as the end destination.

9. Figure out your *enough* numbers. The amount you need to live the life you want. The real amount. The amount you need to retire. Stop chasing a destination when you haven’t yet plotted the coordinates (because of fear, lack of know how, etc.).

10. You can ALWAYS start over when you focus on skills, mindset, and connections. Those are your three pillars. What skills you can continue to market. What mindsets you need to stop thinking you have no choices and you’re stuck. What connections matter and give you life and energy and which ones you need to let go of.

11. Money will be a part of any major identity shift you make in life. If you’re scared of it, you might not make the transformation you’re supposed to make because you don’t want to face the financial reality. It’ll always be the excuse you fall back on.

12. It’s so cliche… for a reason. More money is not going to make you happy. However, not letting money become a source of pain and suffering, deciding you will get back in the drivers seat instead of sticking your head in the sand, and seeing the money conversation as simply unlocking a new “level” in the video game of life… will give you more peace.

13. Parkinson’s Law states work will expand to fill the time allotted for its completion. If you have two hours or two weeks, you’ll use that whole time even if it you could have done it in 30 minutes. Money works on the same principle. It’s going to be spent, whether it’s $1.00 or $1000. So might as well create some intentions around where it goes.

14. As you sit here today and think about a financial goal of the future, understand that the person you will become to be able to manage that goal will adapt and transform. So when you arrive, don’t be surprised if it didn’t feel like you expected it would.

15. Get outside perspective. Seriously. Stop thinking you’re weird or abnormal. You’re not. We’re all on this spinning blue ball doing the best we can and I assure you – you are not alone. All the money in the world that we could ever need, is already there. We just need to change how we relate to money to start to access it.

16. I’ve had no money and lots of debt. I’ve had some money and a little debt. I’ve had a lot of money and no debt. I’ve had money that I thought was forever that I have to lose. If I could give people anything from my journey, it’s that money is an inside job. A job of the heart and of the mind…and a little bit of the hands.

If you’ve not been a part of the Future Fund community, I invite you to do so. The course is open all the time, but Aryeh and I will be holding a complimentary office hours and Q&A session for all students this Wednesday, April 27th at 2pm EST. All current students are invited.

In this world of rapid inflation, volatile markets, emerging crypto and blockchain technology, a crazy housing market, and a quickly changing digital landscape, this is your chance to come and ask questions. Hope to see you there!

About Divorce

The grief took me by surprise. The depth of my tears seemed to come from the innermost parts of me and sometimes I felt like they would never run out. I felt very much like death had come to my door, and I had no choice but to ride out the tsunami of grief it brought

  • Death to surviving.
  • Death to over functioning.
  • Death to loose boundaries.
  • Death to bending because I’m scared of losing love.
  • Death to trying to make a happy ending.

Today, I find myself struggling sometimes to hold onto these new set of shoes I’m wearing. I want to kick them off and go get my old comfy sneakers that take me to places of desperation, neediness, over adaptation, codependency. But then I say no… I put bandages on the blisters forming where my new shoes are causing discomfort, and I keep walking. 

I realize it’s normal to one minute want to run right back into the past. To soothe the pain of separation and loss and pretend that everything is okay.

But then the next minute feel the incredible rush of relief that comes with finally learning to honor oneself.

One minute you want to beg to someone, anyone, to tell you you’re worth loving, even when you’re not useful or accommodating to them.

The next minute.. standing in that feeling of alone-ness, in the middle of the night when your body and brain can’t fall asleep, and your souls whisper… “you’re doing it.” 

One minute you can’t hardly bear the idea of being alone forever.

The next minute you cannot imagine how you went so long without a sacred space that is just for you.

Though the world sees me as incredibly competent and reliable, I’ve spent the majority of my adult life thinking I cannot be left to my own devices. I need someone to rescue me, take care of me, give me feedback because I can’t give it to myself. And it turns out this was the biggest lie of all. A belief system that dictated the entirety of my adult life is crashing down.

It’s only been a short while, but it feels like a lifetime.

There are still many hills to climb, many of which seemed huge and insurmountable before I made the decision to be alone. I wish I believed it when people told me those hills would not seem so huge once I trusted my instincts.

I spent so long being afraid of them, and here they are – and the grace and strength is there for me, in abundance.

Even still, grief is so messy and unpredictable. Sometimes I watch myself flail around trying to find a stabilizing force. I try not to fall into shame and judgement because no one ever said it wouldn’t be messy trying to break out of a cocoon to become a butterfly. Those caterpillars have to turn to goo first to even get their wings.

When I think about having a partner again, I feel so many things. 

  • Guilt. Should I not want this?
  • Anticipation. Will someone actually be able to walk alongside me in this life?
  • Despair. I don’t know that there is any man able to reach the standard I’ve now set for access to my heart and mind. 
  • Joy. I know that I’m an entirely different woman now and won’t choose out of need.

I feel God is close to me in this moment. I know He is near to the brokenhearted.

I see Him in the eyes of my children who are closely watching how I choose them as my first priority.

I see Him in the mentors who are right there to send love and advice and reassurance just when I need it.

I see Him in the face of my parents who show me unconditional love and acceptance no matter how messy my life gets. 

I see Him in the arms of friends who are walking this with me.

And I know, when He sends me a partner who will be strong enough, smart enough, capable enough to just walk alongside me in this life – I will see God in his eyes too.

In the meantime, I will keep going. I will keep finding joy. I will wake up every day grateful I get another morning to get up and see the goodness of God in this life. I will celebrate life and love in all its forms. I will take risks. I will be gentle with my mess ups. I will find compassion for everyone, even those who don’t know how to care for my heart. I will choose forgiveness. 

I will not be ashamed that my life doesn’t look like the fairy tale endings we were all spoon fed as children.

I will choose love.

For myself as much for anyone else. 

xx

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